Who is “Keeping” Who – Kevin and Maggie Bell – The Church at Cahaba Bend

 Growing up with a special needs sibling hasn’t always been easy.  You learn a lot about yourself and you learn a lot about others.  I always thought that Matt would most likely become my responsibility someday.  And when I knew that Kevin was going to be the man God had chosen for me, this became his responsibility as well.  He never once questioned that this was part of a “package deal”. 

Whenever people have asked about Matt’s personality, the best way I can describe him is that he loves everyone.  We should all aspire to be more like him.  He doesn’t see race, nationality, gender, economic status- basically, if you show him any attention, you are one of his favorite people on the planet.

Now, don’t get me wrong, there are some really tough days.  He can be very stubborn (it runs in the family), and he has some severe obstacles to overcome that many of us take for granted.  But I think it is very fair to say that the good far outweighs the bad. 

Four years ago, my parents, as hard as it was, accepted the fact that taking care of Matt had become too hard for them.  We made the decision to place him in a nursing home so that he can have around the clock care.  At the time, Kevin, the boys and I didn’t have a home that could accommodate Matt’s day to day needs as well as my and Matt’s brother lives away in Maryland and has a severely autistic child of his own. 

Matt was doing fairly well at the nursing home but was incredibly lonely.  He is a very social person, and loves to talk to everyone.  Unfortunately, when the COVID pandemic began, he was placed in a difficult situation of having to stay in his room almost all of the time, and worst of all, none of his family could visit.  Our last visit with him before the nursing home closed the doors to visitors was March 6^th, 2020.

On April 28^th, we were notified that Matt was COVID positive.  His nursing home had been overrun with positive cases.  Although Matt’s symptoms were thankfully minimal, he was sent to UAB hospital for roughly a week, then to a step-down nursing facility for another two weeks, and finally back to his nursing home. If you know anything about those with intellectual disabilities, you know that they do not adapt to change well, especially when you aren’t able to see those you love the most.  Matt became frustrated at the nursing home. And on June 2^nd, we received a call that we either had to pick him up or they were sending him to the UAB psychiatric floor. 

So there it was, Matt was coming to live with us.  We had no time to plan and at that moment our family dynamic quickly changed. I knew Matt wouldn’t be able to go back to my parent’s home.  Their health was not great and there was no way they could take care of him and themselves on a daily basis.  Everything happened so quickly, I’m not even sure we had a sit down conversation with our boys (Matthew-16, Jake-14, and Tucker-12) to tell them what all was happening; however, we adapted and did what a family does.

Prior to Matt coming to live with us, Kevin and I had shared with our SS class about the difficult time Matt was having being away from us. We also shared the worry I was shouldering knowing how hard it was on him mentally being unable to see any of us.  Our church family prayed with us often and lifted us up.  During this time of adjustment, it was solely through prayer and action from our CCB family that helped take the burden of uncertainty off our shoulders.  Our church is full of "doers" and once the "doers" had a task they were all over it. Steve Collins and Scott Mitchell as well as the Community Outreach group spearheaded the operation to convert some space in our home into two bedrooms.  Other people helped purchase items for Matt that he needed.  All of this took a major burden off us so that we could get to work on the paperwork side of bringing Matt into our home.  

God always has a plan and while we may not always see it when it is happening, we know He is working all things to His good.  The Covid-19 pandemic has brought a strain to many people.  However, being a schoolteacher and having schools closed allowed me the flexibility to accomplish much needed, and exhausting, paperwork to have Matt's insurance and waivers updated and formalized.  

During this time, God gave us many small wins that helped us know that this was His plan and that Matt and our family would be ok. 

Soon, some of the tasks began to overwhelm Kevin and myself.  While we were trying to be there for everyone, there were still so many obstacles to overcome.  Kevin and the boys loved Matt but had never lived with him. There are some strategies that work and don’t work.  It became a boot-camp, so to speak, for them on how to handle certain situations.  We knew that we would have to make some big arrangements to accommodate Matt’s needs.

One morning while on a Zoom call with our Sunday School class, everyone was asking how we were all doing.  Kevin and I both feeling overwhelmed from the new responsibilities placed before us, broke down.  We knew Matt needed his own room and needed other accommodations but financially weren’t sure how to make that happen.  Our church family jumped in and made it happen.  Within a couple of hours a plan was set into place that would build out a room for our boys so that Matt could have a bedroom on the main floor. 

In the meantime, I had joined an online financial bible study with people from all over the US.  One day while talking about our recent changes, Matt walked into the zoom call.  When the leader saw and met Matt, she said, “Maggie I literally felt the Holy Spirit moving through him”. Throughout that study, one particular bible verse stood out to me and when I read it to Kevin, he said, “Well now we know we are doing the right thing.” The verse was 1 Timothy 5:8, NIV: "Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." From that moment on we never questioned what God’s plan was for us and Matt.

Soon after moving in with us, we discovered that Matt’s arterial stenosis, a lifelong condition manageable up to this point, had become severe, and he would have to have open heart surgery.  He had never had surgery before, not to mention one so taxing.  In August, Matt had his surgery.  His recovery went very smoothly, at first.  However, in September, while visiting the doctor for his surgical follow-up, we discovered that Matt was becoming septic.  The events leading to this discovery were major in keeping him alive, and I know it was nothing short of the hand of God that Matt is still here.  Matt has had other setbacks, including infection developing in his bone, however after many weeks of IV antibiotic infusions, he is back to his happy, sometimes stubborn, and obstinate self.

Some days his care is overwhelming, and to be completely honest, frustrating.  On one particularly exhausting night while giving him a bath, I was washing his feet.  I was reminded of the time when Jesus washed his disciples’ feet, “I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, so you also should wash one another’s feet.  I have given you an example.  You should do as I have done for you,” John 13:14-15. I immediately felt humbled and in the presence of God.  Who am I to complain and be frustrated when God has given us so many blessings, including being responsible for such a wonderful gift as Matt.

Our children have had to grow up a lot, but it has been fascinating to watch them grow and mature into amazing young men.  They have become more empathetic and loving and don’t hesitate to help when we need them. 

Matt loves going to church, he loves being around people.  And I can’t help but think that God put him here for a purpose.  He brings people together.  He loves unconditionally.  His heart has been broken and he has had people that he loves disappoint and leave him, but he forgives and loves just as Jesus called us to do.  He is such a reminder that we should all aspire to be more like Jesus. 

People often say that Kevin and I are such great people for taking Matt into our home.  I’m always appreciative, but I also can’t help but think, isn’t this what family does.  And not just family but those that are like our family.  Matt is the one that we should all be thanking.  He makes us all want to be better people.

I have a tendency to overthink and worry, but I've found a verse in the past year that has helped sustain me. I  think I have heard it a million times, but one day while walking through a store by myself, I found this quote based on scripture from Daniel 3:17-18, "And if not, He is still good."  While things are hard, and we pray for certain answers and guidance, I know that my God will sustain me.  Even if it isn't how I want Him to.  He knows far more about our circumstances, than we ever could. For example, I feel I can confidently say that had Matt not come to live with us when he did, we never would have known how severe his arterial stenosis had become and he may not be here with us now.  And again, the day we discovered Matt's sepsis, he was refusing to get out of bed. But I called on friends and co-workers to pray for him to get up so we wouldn't have to reschedule, not knowing how sick he already was.  Another day of waiting to be seen, and I'm not sure he would still be here.  Isn't God amazing?

**One final note, Matt is unable to verbalize clearly his wants, needs, etc.  His tongue is partially paralyzed due to his disability.  And so, while he has never professed verbally his love for Jesus, I found one day while cleaning out his room at my parent’s house, his declaration of his faith. Signed “Matthew Melton, January 19, 2008.”